i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
