dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
