He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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