an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
