All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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