The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
