batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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