Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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