im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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