I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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