The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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