I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
