Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
