dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
