its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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