I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
