chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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