He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
