Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
