Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
