1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
