This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
