Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
