o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
