Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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