i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have post one night stand depression
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