I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
