AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
