I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
