A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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