we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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