I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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