I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
