does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
