she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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