God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have fence marks all over my body
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
