Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's never too late to be topless.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is classic penis vs brain.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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