Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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