I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
