i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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