I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
