Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
