don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
