i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
