I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
