i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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