Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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