im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
