i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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