Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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