I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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