would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
