i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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