The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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