I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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