I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
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I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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