I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
