Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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