I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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