Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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