Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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