the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
