Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
