Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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