so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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