marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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