Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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