i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
