So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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