Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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