i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
