Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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