I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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