i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
