I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
