I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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