At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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